Saturday, 2/16/08; 11:31 AM

Here I sit at my altar. The river and wetlands twenty stories below. The winter sun brilliant in the sky, it’s rays bouncing like a thousand little diamonds off the surface of the water.

I open my eyes after a brief meditative silence with these thoughts echoing through me: my deepest prayer, O’ God, is to become a clear vessel. I will to do only what constitutes DIVINE WILL for me here-now. My sole and deepest desire is to fulfill my Soul’s purpose and function; to do GOD’S WORK as only I can do. There is for me no other reason for being.

The body, the scars of surgery, the chemo, the cancer–none of that matters or even holds the reality it had at the beginning of this process…this journey…Fear is no longer. No question of living or dying. That simply does not matter. What matters is fulfilling my holy function as a woman-of-God–mujerdedios. That is the only reason for continuing this here-now in this particular flesh body in this timespace.

I have a job to do; a divine purpose; a destiny; a divine calling. I hear it. I hear the Voice of God–ISIS calling to me; whispering sweet nothings in my ear during the dreamtime; words of love, and courage; instructions that are immediatley forgotten the moment my eyes fly open to embrace the morning light.

I sit in this here-now, this present moment listening to the call of a far-off bird. It is not the usual cry of a sea gull circling the river below nor the honk of a goose flying from the wetlands to a grassy area in the development where I live. I’s a strange, lone cry echoing above the noises of this Saturday Bronx morning. I hear it above the swish of tires, the bleating of car horns, the whistle of a far off train…And now silence. It’s gone. Flown by. A lone traveller passing through the skies above on some mysterious journey through time and space.

Just like me.

Bye-bye birdie…so long little sister.

Monday, 2/11/08; 9:45 AM

There is really no other point to living this life apart from serving as a vessel of the One Ceative Life Force: the Divine Intelligence that caused all there is to come into being.  That is all I want. More than just to live–to become the fullness of my potential as God in the flesh. How far can I go? What can I do with this life to contribute to Love, Joy, Health and the Well-Being and Knowledge of humanity that we are Gods and Goddesses in Paradise; that the Garden of Eden is here and now–always was, is and ever shall be–here and now.

It is like a stepping aside–the stepping aside of the mind, the brain–the thinking, planning, know-it-all-self: the one who can straighten it all out as soon as she comes up with the right plan, the right goal, enough money, a different place to live, less weight, more love…

The one who took full charge of my life when she heard the words: invasive…mastectomy…the one who knew that she would find an holistic alternative…that led by her, God would heal! Abracadabra…1…2…3…and it’s all gone! A miracle.

The miracle is that I sit here, two months short of two years later, alive and well–no metastasis–with two beautiful breasts; one constructed from the fat that used to hang from my belly (a tummy-tuck reconstruction it’s called) and the other breast: the same beautiful, healthy, faithful one I’ve had all of the years of my glorious womanhood.  Iam at peace with my body…my Self…my life. Having begun chemotherapy just last week–because there were seven positive lympth nodes–I am even at peace with the chemo. I am simply joyful that I AM THAT I AM; that what I AM is greater than anything in the world that is of man; greater than cancer–greater than chemotherapy.

And it is that I AM, that ISIS: innate Goddess Wisdom who is now in charge; guiding and  leading this Being, this Entity on whose very DNA is stamped the name of God: YHVH. The ego-personality has stepped aside, relinquishing her leadership role to let Wisdom take over and my, how the blessings and joys and causes for celebration are unfolding, one rapidly after the other, as I just let myself be.  All is transformed into JOY in the blink of any eye!

Last night I experienced my first OBE or Astral Projection in more than a year. I have been flying the night skies, exploring this universe since childhood. In the beginning, I was very much alone but secure, safe, comforted by the dark silence of the night sky and fascinated by the city lights below. I had no idea that anyone else could fly until the night I met him. I know now that he presented himself to me as a child so that I would not be frightened. Together we flew for eternities exploring universe upon universe. He was my teacher. My guide. My mentor and companion. I fancied myself a great adventuress when in reality I was nothing more than an abused child disassociating–escaping the hell of her life.

And now, after a long year of walking the coastline of Death, my Inner Divinity is reawakening; leading me back towards Life through the inner realms of knowing and being. I am in the last stages of a major transformation…re-formation…a re-birthing of the Self. I have been cooked in the cauldron; burned in the alchemical fires; and the journey from the shores of death to the heartland of life is not yet over. But I can see the future from where I now stand in this process and I know that I shall be victorious. I am a spiritual warrior here to share healing wisdom with my world.

Last night after zooming out of my body and travelling at the speed of light, I found myself in a strange place. It is somewhat vague now. But I remember seeing HER. At first SHE was alone; standing on a platform. We communicated. I know not what was “said.” Then HE appeared by HER side and they lay down together. SHE was dark complected, HE, light.  I had been chanting for the past two weeks since beginning an Egyptian Yoga practice: I AM ISIS…HARE OM…I AM ISIS…and here SHE was with HIM, Osiris, HER Brother-Husband: Dark and Light…Moon and Sun…Female and Male…Yang and Yin…the One in Duality…

And now it is late and I am tired. I must get up early tomorrow, Sunday, to attend my Egyptian Yoga class. I cannot control my out of body experiences but in my heart of hearts I so want to continue the journey begun last night. I am ready for the teachings that can only take place on this inner, spiritual level.  I will chant as I lay waiting for sleep to overcome me: HARE OM…IAM ISIS…HARE OM…I AM ISIS…

And I shall see what next adventure in the hinterlands of the psyche awaits this Wounded Warrior.

More will follow.

As I allowed the OBE experience of the other night to play in my mind, forgotten bits and pieces floated up to consciousness.I remember “asking” ISIS: where is this place? She “said” an island and immediately in mind, I had the picture of an island the middle of an ocean. Then a part of my mind said, no, that is not right. That is not what she means. And after several days a different understanding drifted in. We were on a metaphorical island in the sea of Consciousness. I now understand it as islands of consciousness jutting up out of the “Soup” from which our individual conscsiouness arises.

It is all a journey of consciousness. We meet our spiritual guides and “goddesses” when our vibratory rate matches that of one of the holy ones who share our “space” in this “Soup.” “They” are always there. It is only through prayer, meditation and a life dedicated to Spirit or God that we raise our personal vibration to a level at which we intersect with “Them.” It is so difficult to explain concepts like these in human language; for experiences of consciousness  are of a feeling-intuitive nature and cannot be contained in language. I am finding that the  psyche or Soul–that divine part of Self which exists to create and order our human experiences at this gross vibratory level of object manifestation speaks its own language of symbols or pictures.

I also began to understand that despite the fact that I could consciously remember nothing of what was communicated, it was all there and available to me as needed as I continue this journey of great challenge and transformation. I may not have another such experience for months and months, as these astral projectons are teaching-learning events in consciousness that prepare me to move forward and take the next necessary steps on this journey towards the Unknown-Unameable.

I also remembered that after leaving ISIS  and HER CONSORT, OSIRIS, I zoomed into another “space.” There were a series of rooms, all white and within each room I saw people in varying stages of sickness and death, lying in their own filth with no one to care for them. I was not afraid but horrified at their condition and thought: on what world do they throw the sick into a room to die in their own bodily waste? I was appalled and angry as I moved from room to room finally returning to the place where I had entered. I still have a vague, ill-defined picture of a being assisting one of the sick. And remember saying to myself at least there is one person who has mercy in her heart.

This scene ended abruptly as I catapulted into a regular dream where I found a very good friend of mine sitting on an old-fashioned railroad station type bench.

I will work and rework these events, mining deeper and deeper meaning from them as time passes. I know from a lifetime of exploring the dreamtime and the astral planes that all of these experiences hold valuable information for the successful living out of one’s Soul purpose and function in this here-now.

More to follow as this journey of consciousness continues…